David R. Herz: for Men

Asked on Quora: What should a person do when they are unsure of what they want in a relationship, and are not sure if it is worth continuing their current relationship?

Maybe start by looking at what you want inside what the younger version of you wanted.

If you go there, it's usually a spouse, a house, a few kids, maybe a dog. Heck, that's what nature wants for us.

And if that's what you want, you might want to start looking realistically at what is necessary to have those things there: shared family values, a shared religion, a similar outlook on life, a similar ethic as to money, family, etc.

Then when you have all that down, look at your current relationship, maybe ask if that's where he sees it going. What are his dreams? Where does he see himself in five years. Are you in the picture, or were you just a station along the way.

And if that doesn't jive with where you are and what you want, then move on and find someone willing to be the partner you deserve.

Help Needed! Having some tough times lately, promotions not selling…almost broke…
What is the best book/​audiobook you know on handling our own emotions/​fear of not being good enough/​fear of screwing up?

I don't know that the best thing to handle your emotions is to hole up with another book. If you've read any book on the subject, the answer is usually something like a few simple disciplines, repeated over time will give you unparalleled success in your particular pond.

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From Quora:

My boyfriend is sad depressed because we can't see each other always, what can I say to him?

Tell him to get better and the rest should sort itself out. Maybe say something like this:

“Get the heck out of your head bucko. Enjoy the time we can be together. Instead of thinking about how we are apart and how sad that makes you, think about how you can make our next time together unforgettable, and do that for every time we will be together, and don’t think you will get a pass when we get married. Then you’ll have to come up with something every morning.

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Q: How should I communicate with my boyfriend when he said he needs a break from this relationship? Should I stop messaging him, or what is the rule?

You should negotiate that with him. The only rules here are the ones you set between each other.

You might want to ask for one more conversation before he goes (because breaks often are endings) so that you can ask exactly what he thinks he needs a break from, but only do this if you can really give him the space to share what’s there for him. Use it as an opportunity to learn so you can be better in the next relationship:

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A lot of people are stuck at home, or spending more time there than they are accustomed to. I'm guessing this might be leading to some stress in personal relations.

All of a sudden, we haven't got an office or a job to disappear to, or a gym to blow off some steam. And this might be a cause of stress, but it could also be presenting an opportunity, if we're sharp enough to notice, to pivot as an Entrepreneur might say.

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