Jakob Owens

My fiance says I stress him out and he needs space but does not want to break up. He booked an Airbnb for 3 weeks and has blocked my number. What should I do?

First, you should complete what was. You don't need to get married just because you invested all this time in a relationship.

Let's start with, knowing everything you do about him, would you still choose him if you only met him today?

If no, stop reading and end it. If yes, keep going.

I don't think the way he deals with “stress” is healthy for your relationship. What you want is to establish channels of communication so that it never gets to the point that he needs a three week break from you. This is not to say he can't take a break, and even cut off contact, but it shouldn't be to be able to deal with you.

When he comes back, ask him first “Knowing everything you do about me, would you still choose me if you only met me today?”

If no, stop reading and end it. If yes, read on.

Now you want to pick your flavor. For some, a simple agreement to be honest with each other is enough. You might want to check in and make sure you never go to bed with anything unsaid between you. You might acknowledge each other every night/once a week/pick your frequency.

You might want to actually sit down and plan your future. Does your vision and his look the same? Can they be reconciled?

What does he need to unwind? How can you help him have that? What is it that you don't notice, or simply dismiss, or is there something that remains unsaid?

What I am suggesting is take a step back from the marriage conversation and have a conversation about your lives, and your commitments to each other, and about your commitments to the world (if you are that sort of person), and about what you two could be as a team going forward. And then align action to actually make that happen.