David R. Herz: for Men

I'm not shy, I just don't know what to talk about with people. What do people usually talk about?

I've read the usual books (How to win friends, etc.) and I put myself out there. But when I do meet people, it doesn't go anywhere because I don't know what to talk about. I try to avoid politics and religion and most people don't do what I do in science.

I can't stand what people usually talk about. And I'm interested in bettering the human condition. So I like to ask things like: what would your perfect day look like, whom do you admire, and why, if you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do in life.

And there's nothing wrong with politics or religion, if you can still find people who are willing to discuss instead of pontificate.

These are for a specific purpose, but there are some great ideas here for getting to know a person: 36 Questions to Bring You Closer Together.

Or you could just say, “I'm not so great with the small talk. What would you like to talk about?”

As a 28 year old unmarried man, what is the one thing I should look forward to in my future?

The one thing that I can predict is your being a 28 years and one day old unmarried man.

The thing is we walk around thinking the future will happen to us. Some of us get lucky and it does, but most people just get to the next day, which looks exactly like this day.

If you want a different future, you declare a different future, and then you make a plan for that future and then you put that plan in your calendar, and you take the steps you wrote down there.

So the only question left is what do you want to declare. And if you want help structuring your life to get that:

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