David R. Herz: for Men

From Quora:

My boyfriend is sad depressed because we can't see each other always, what can I say to him?

Tell him to get better and the rest should sort itself out. Maybe say something like this:

“Get the heck out of your head bucko. Enjoy the time we can be together. Instead of thinking about how we are apart and how sad that makes you, think about how you can make our next time together unforgettable, and do that for every time we will be together, and don’t think you will get a pass when we get married. Then you’ll have to come up with something every morning.

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Q: How should I communicate with my boyfriend when he said he needs a break from this relationship? Should I stop messaging him, or what is the rule?

You should negotiate that with him. The only rules here are the ones you set between each other.

You might want to ask for one more conversation before he goes (because breaks often are endings) so that you can ask exactly what he thinks he needs a break from, but only do this if you can really give him the space to share what’s there for him. Use it as an opportunity to learn so you can be better in the next relationship:

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What advice would you give to a young man who is trying to find a keeper(better half)?

Figure out what you must have. It's tough to be with a vegan if beef barbecue is your thing. Similar attitudes about money/savings/where to live/religion/how to raise the kids also can have a huge impact. It’s not that everything has to line up, but you should at least know your red lines.

Then learn how to dress, learn basic manners (my pet peeve is table manners), look at what you can do to be a kind person, and learn most of all to listen.

Oh, and get interested in something other than women. The most interesting people are those who have a passionate interest in something else.

Wyron A

What is [sic] unconditional love's greatest errors?

I disagree with your premise. There is no issue with loving unconditionally. There is issue in being stupid and letting yourself be manipulated because of your love.

For instance, a child needs limits. If a parent doesn't provide them, he's not loving his child, he's abdicating his responsibility. Do you have any idea what it takes to not cave to a child at certain times? But I'd argue you are not loving your child if you do.

How about not enabling a junkie if that's your m.o? Or holding the hand of someone who's dying? Or letting a person make his own mistakes? And being ready to not be right about it?

So yes, love unconditionally, but be wise, be straight, be forthright, be responsible for your word.

Asked on Quora:

Should I support my musician boyfriend pursue his dreams while he depends on me financially completely? He has been trying for about 6 years.

No. You should tell him to get a damned job and pursue his music on the side.

It's time to stop trying and start doing. And when he takes on his job, he should take on doing it with excellence.

And then, especially if he hates his job, tell him to double down on his music. Work full time at his job, and work full-time at his music, with the same damned intensity.

Then he'll know if he really wants his music, or just likes calling himself a musician.

And don't let him get away with just practicing. A musician performs. Make sure he's booking at least one gig a week, and giving it his all.

But don't you dare suffer for his art. If he wants to suffer for his art, that's great. You can drive him to his gigs, be his sound engineer if you want, and be his biggest fan, but he's got to take on being the damned artist.