Errors of Unconditional Love

Posted on Mar 21, 2019 by in Relationships, Advice, Relationships, Love
Errors of Unconditional Love

unsplash-logoWyron A

What is [sic] unconditional love's greatest errors?

I disagree with your premise. There is no issue with loving unconditionally. There is issue in being stupid and letting yourself be manipulated because of your love.

For instance, a child needs limits. If a parent doesn't provide them, he's not loving his child, he's abdicating his responsibility. Do you have any idea what it takes to not cave to a child at certain times? But I'd argue you are not loving your child if you do.

How about not enabling a junkie if that's your m.o? Or holding the hand of someone who's dying? Or letting a person make his own mistakes? And being ready to not be right about it?

So yes, love unconditionally, but be wise, be straight, be forthright, be responsible for your word.

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Love Your Personality

Posted on Oct 2, 2018 by in Relationships, Success, Dating
Love Your Personality

unsplash-logoMax-Jakob Beer

I've been seeing a man for 4 months. He said, “Well, I mean I like you and I love your personality.” Doesn't my personality make me who I am? What does he even mean by that?

It means he enjoys your company, but doesn't, at least at the moment, see this going the distance.

Or it means he has no balls and is not willing to commit.

If you care enough to get him out of his idiot fantasy, you might ask him, “What would true love look like to you?” I'm guessing at the bottom of it is some Hollywood sweep him off his feet fantasy. Mostly, love doesn't work that way. Even with the “being swept off your feet,” at some point it comes down to the work you put into a relationship.

I'd want to know if he's willing to give up the fantasy (look at how successful Hollywood marriages are anyway), declare that he loves you, wholly and completely, as you are and as you are not (and I'm deliberately avoiding the word feeling here), and then live and act into that declaration.

In other words, is he willing to grow up, be with the great person in front of him, and commit to creating a life with her/you?

KPIs for a Great Relationship (Part One: Getting What's So)

Posted on Sep 9, 2018 by in Relationships, Relationships
KPIs for a Great Relationship (Part One: Getting What's So)

I chatted with a friend the other day. He's a successful business consultant, generous friend, warm and loving father, and active in his community.

And with all that, he doesn't feel like he's mastered the art of communication.

So he got me thinking about Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) for a great relationship. I'm going to swing to the side of the personal, but the same should work in all relationships.

So I thought about the complaints that some of us might hear:

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Until . . .

Posted on Sep 9, 2018 by in Relationships, Relationships

Is marriage a bad idea if your boyfriend is struggling to generate a consistent source of income as an entrepreneur and you're also in a long-distance relationship?

They are not connected. Do you love each other? Are you both willing to be great with each other? Are you both willing to support each other as your are building your dreams?

It might be a harder road than picking the guy with the good job and steady income next door (that might not last either), but wouldn’t it be a better adventure to share, and wouldn't you be happier knowing you picked a partner with whom you could take on anything and keep going until you win?

Of course, it would also take that kind of commitment. Ask him if he's willing to play that game. Ask yourself if you are willing to play that game.

If the answer is yes to those, you've got a good chance with him.

Should I Support My Boyfriend's Music?

Posted on Jun 25, 2018 by in Relationships, Finding Work, Work, Advice, Ending Relationships
Should I Support My Boyfriend's Music?

Asked on Quora:

Should I support my musician boyfriend pursue his dreams while he depends on me financially completely? He has been trying for about 6 years.

No. You should tell him to get a damned job and pursue his music on the side.

It's time to stop trying and start doing. And when he takes on his job, he should take on doing it with excellence.

And then, especially if he hates his job, tell him to double down on his music. Work full time at his job, and work full-time at his music, with the same damned intensity.

Then he'll know if he really wants his music, or just likes calling himself a musician.

And don't let him get away with just practicing. A musician performs. Make sure he's booking at least one gig a week, and giving it his all.

But don't you dare suffer for his art. If he wants to suffer for his art, that's great. You can drive him to his gigs, be his sound engineer if you want, and be his biggest fan, but he's got to take on being the damned artist.