What should I do when I'm not over my ex 4 months later? He's my coworker and I see him every day. I still have that hope that we might get back together. He broke up with me saying he wants to be financially stable first and it's just a timing thing.
He gave you a stupid excuse to break up and you let him get away with it.
You invite him out to a coffee, at a dollar coffee place (you don’t want to show yourself a spendthrift), or even the coffee room in your office, and you have a conversation with him.
You ask him straight out if he were financially stable, would he marry you today?
If the answer is no, you get it complete, this exercise, and move on as friends.
If his answer is an emphatic yes, then tell him his excuse is unacceptable. Couples do better financially, but you are all with the being filthy rich thing, and then you make a plan to get married, align your financial goals, study wealth, and get “financially stable,” to which you will have put specific measures.
A great place to start on a strong marriage is Marriage Archives | The Art of Manliness. He’s also got some on how to talk money with your spouse.
You’ll also want to spend time with Jim Rohn’s Best Year Ever speech. You can find it on YouTube. It’s four hours long and worth every minute. Take good notes, and expect to come back to it often.
Rohn’s main point is if you want to be wealthy, study wealth. But the same goes for great relationships.
But also, be clear that you are up to this. Maybe review some of these resources first, and look if you are ready to bring the discipline and mindset they require to your life.
And then ask yourself honestly, is he? Is he wishing for things to get better, as they often do, but sometimes don’t, or does he have a plan? He already occurs to me as a bit of a flake. If he isn’t willing to grow up and be the kind of person who creates “financial stability,” which he claims is important to him, will he grow up to be the kind of person who creates a great relationship over the long haul?
When is it time to give up on getting an ex back? I’m the one who broke up with him & when I asked to try again he said he needed to think about it. (Together for 3 years & broke up because college was too much)
You couldn’t integrate this relationship into your life. You didn’t trust that he’d wait for you. You didn’t ask for his help to get you through. You related to your relationship like it was one class too many that you had to cut to get through the semester.
That’s what you need to take responsibility for. Are you willing to commit to being a partner, to asking for help, to communicating needs without killing the relationship?
If you are willing to go there, then you’ve got to let him know, and apologize for cutting him off instead of asking for his support.
You asked when. The when is when you are willing to be the person he needs to actually create a relationship. You might want to call him, take responsibility for what was, and ask what it was you missed that would and could have made this work. And when he tells you, check in with yourself if you can bring that now.
My husband and I were breaking up then came the COVID-19 lockdown. We decided to try again. What can help us now? We've been together 10 years and communication is broken.
So it's time to clean up your communications, make a commitment to start over with a commitment to being open and honest.
A lot of people are stuck at home, or spending more time there than they are accustomed to. I'm guessing this might be leading to some stress in personal relations.
All of a sudden, we haven't got an office or a job to disappear to, or a gym to blow off some steam. And this might be a cause of stress, but it could also be presenting an opportunity, if we're sharp enough to notice, to pivot as an Entrepreneur might say.
These are my notes from Jim Rohn's best year ever. I figured I'd share for two reasons: (1) it's good to review for myself, and (2) maybe it'll inspire you to move your life in the right direction at this difficult time.